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Join a Club! | September 12, 2013

Dr. Barry

A few months ago I urged you to take a hike…my advice this month is to join a club. This article is not for you folks with small kids. You are plenty busy with homework, housework, the soccer league, bunko night, etc. Your world is probably busy and varied. You focus on the kid and that’s god and important…but at the risk of your current scorn (you know who you are) I again urge the ladies to not forget about the big baby. Oh I can almost see you sneer as I write this. There goes mister misogynist, mister sexist, mister me me me. Compare and contrast that sneer against your expression as you sign the divorce papers. Is that too harsh?

Plan some time with your spouse that doesn’t involve the kinder if you value that relationship. It was just the two of you in the beginning; hopefully it will still be the two of you together when and increasingly if the kids move out. That doesn’t happen on autopilot. Maybe it did for your parents’ generation but not anymore. This is the family we are talking about, your family…isn’t a little investment in energy and time appropriate? I’m talking about date night. You can go with other couples or a group or other people just not with the kids. You know it’s different when the kids are around. So, you young professionals with kids YPWK’s (follow them on Twitter…hashtag WTF). You people should skip the rest of this column and maybe read the exercise ladies column or the guy who writes about the corruption of our government both locally and nationally. There’s nothing more for you to read here…move along. Thank you very much.

Now, I guess I am writing this column for you widows and retirees. Most of you have one thing in common. Your world is shrinking people! You are hurtling up! Are you making new friends or losing friends? People keel over…interests change…all kinds of shenanigans…but most of us I think could use a bigger support group. It’s really very easy to get socially isolated. It’s also very easy to fix….Join a club. Wine tasting…club for that. Giving toasts? Club for that. Book club? Plenty of those. Poker club? Sure thing. Royal Order of Whateverthehell. The Ladies That Knit on Their Knees. Shriners. Optimists. Odd fellows. Church groups. Sewing groups. Canning clubs. They all share the commonalty of getting you out of the house for new experiences, and a chance to meet new people and to do new things, and to possibly make a difference in the world. The retired population has such a huge amount of collective experience and wisdom and it’s going to waste when you just sit at home watching NCIS for the 50^th time. Social isolation is a real problem with real medical implications. I’m not going to quote any medical journal here because I don’t have to. Real life examples abound. Look at your Momma (not my momma, mind you!). Or your mother in law. Are they doing the same things now they did 10 years ago? Is their social circle getting bigger or smaller? I think most people don’t stop to realize just how limited their activities have become…most of us are up for a challenge, ie. invited to dinner or a movie but most of us are not great at challenging ourselves ie. spontaneously deciding to take a class or join a club.

As I write this I got the Cazenovia College extended learning catalog in the mail. OCC I’m sure has equally diverse offerings. You can take all sorts of classes…Hypertufa Garden Sculpture for you artists…Understanding the Mind of a Dog for you animal lovers…Photography, Soup Making, Whittling, Jewelry Making…quite the smorgasbord of offerings. Why, you could probably teach a class but I am happy to get you back in the classroom on the either side of that little desk. Most of these classes are one to three sessions long so we are not talking about a major commitment here. But we are talking about a commitment to yourself. Frankly, I’m not sure you are up for it. I mean look at you…when was the last time you really and truly tried something different. You don’t even try different restaurants anymore…you go to the same place and order the same thing all the time. It’s not sad but it’s not joyful either. You don’t have to turtle up…you don’t have to close window after window in the house that is your life. The view can’t be all that good once you close that last window…perhaps its similar to the view from inside the casket! You don’t have to rehearse for it…the hearse will come in on its own good time.

“I don’t fly anymore.” “I won’t drive downtown.” “I have stopped visiting the family that lives out of the area.” All these statements tell me you have a problem. Sometimes it’s a medical issue…many times it’s not. I view that as an integral part in my role as Doctor/Life Coach. It’s not all about sore throats and rectal exams…maybe I can help you with the social issues as well. It doesn’t cost extra and I have had a lot of people that are going through the same thing you are. I see what the successful ones do and I see what the failures don’t do…any chance you want to really explore the issue? Or, just continue to live in a smaller and smaller universe. You can expand that universe immensely with a club, group, organization, etc. You will find people who are different from you and people who are not. You will really enjoy some people’s company and will grow to dislike that one or two people in any group that tweaks you.

It’s good for you physically, it’s good for you mentally, I think it can be good for you spiritually, tell me again what’s stopping you? Yes I know about inertia. I don’t live in inertia, I live in Lafayette…I am a member of the Optimist Club there so you know I’m walking the walk…repeat after me: “Every day I wake up and I can improve something in some way…maybe improve myself in some way, maybe improve my surroundings…any little thing but going forward in some way, or I can get older, weaker, poorer of spirit, etc.” It’s a choice you make every morning you get up. Choose to get involved! Join a club!