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Hot Fun In The Summertime | Sep 25, 2012

Miss me last month? Did you think the outrage was over? Had I finial been kicked out / shut down? Not yet anyway! Apparently my article was too long and I have revised it accordingly.

It’s August already and therefore I should be writing about staying hydrated and about how dangerous fireworks can be. But I know you…you will interpret this to mean have another beer and to let Junior set off the bigger fireworks because he’s already missing half his thumb. Not from last year’s party…that happened over the winter with the snow blower.

Besides, people only usually die from heat exhaustion in France where the pensioners go off on vacation in August and leave gramper in the attic for the month. Google it if you don’t believe me. Hydration it turns out is a timely topic as they recently changed the running of the Corporate Challenge Race into a fun run. Really ?!? I understand the rationale being peoples safety but really…isn’t that part of the endeavor to be able to exercise, to know your limits, to test your limits both in terms of speed but also in your ability to perform in the rain, the heath, the cold etc.?

In the Lafayette High school they have posted for the parents attending sporting events in the gym, “Let the coaches coach, let the referees referee, let the players play.” I like this and would add for this occasion “Let the runners run”.

I say let them run. It is after all the Corporate CHALLENGE. All the runners have signed the gobbledygook waiver that no one reads but everyone knows will be used to hold no one accountable. What are the criterion for halting a race? Who will decide? A race official? One of our many trusted government officials? Will it be Wayne Mahar? Will it be the biggest sponsor? Is it based on heat? Is it based on humidity? Will more races be prevented by heat or humidity or cold or rain? Will this become a standard for other sports? Will high school football, lacrosse, baseball games be stopped if it gets too hot? Speaking of high school sports, when are they going to start letting girls really play lacrosse and at the same time outfitting them for proper safety. Concussions from football problem? Check out the concussions in girls lacrosse. It’s not getting hit with the sticks that’s causing the concussions it’s getting hit by the ball. These girls should be wearing helmets like the boys…perhaps with a bit a sporty plumage to close the deal.

Let’s get back to me…I tell you I somehow look forward to someone collapsing at the event. When I do some event, the Boilermaker for instance, if no one collapses, it devalues the event for me. Okay, my time wasn’t that great but at least I beat those people who collapsed from heat exhaustion. Ok you beat me to the finish line but I see you over in the tent getting hydrated with an IV. When I finish I’m ready to form up columns like the ancient Spartans and prepare for the chariot charge. See? That’s me third from the left.

Notice my shield is lined up perfectly?! Yes my spear is wobbling a little but give me some wine and a minute and does anyone know if I beat Crixus. I know I didn’t beat Annette.

Also, think if you will, about the ambulance and first aid people. No race means no emergencies. When people go down, the EMS teams jump into action. They love it! They are bored otherwise! Starting the IVs and maybe getting the paddles ready…it’s what they live for. When you don’t allow people to collapse (dare I say their inalienable right to test themselves to the point of collapse) you deprive these dedicated EMS workers a change to do their thing… maybe they won’t involve/hire as many services next year since the number of calls was down this year due to changing to a walk. So collapses means jobs just that simple. That’s right…the occasional collapse means jobs for the ambulance, the dispatcher, the fire dept., the emergency rooms, etc. Please understand I am talking about the dehydrated person, the twisted ankle, the low blood sugar. Heart attacks and strokes are serious medical emergencies and I am not making light of them but they didn’t curtail the Corporate Challenge because of worries about heart attacks but rather dehydration. It’s these low grade oft times self-inflicted injuries that I’m talking about. They are part of the engine of the health care economy. Yes, in their own morbid way heart attacks and strokes both also do their part to stimulate the economy as well. Unfortunately, it’s the funeral homes and nursing home part of the economy in these cases.

To die suddenly is a terrible thing until you think about the alternatives with the chemo and the nursing home and the chronic pain and loneliness. I don’t use the line often because many people just get freaked out but I like to say “you, I like…I hope you drop dead”. Meaning that I hope they are spared much suffering. Some get taken aback by the expression until you explain it, but a quick death is a blessing that fewer people experience in our modern world.

Next month, publisher willing I will return with more summer advice.