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Here Piggy Piggy Piggy… | Sep 25, 2012

That’s right…I’m talking about the State Fair…..A chance to get up close and personal with livestock of all shapes and sizes and breeds. By the time you are reading this the Fair has been open for at least a week already. Hopefully you have checked it out. If not, there’s still time to get out there and I will give you plenty of reasons why you should. I love the Fair! The sights. The sounds. The smells! I have a strange soft spot in my heart for the multicolored chicks in the bird house. Who thought that up? Why? Having personally raised pigs and sheep (don’t ask!) I do like to check out the squeaking and squealing piglets and watch the sheep shearing. To watch the cascading waves of wool come off the lamb at the hands of a good clipper is almost magical. In the end you a pretty big pile of wool and a lamb ready to enlist. How’s that for sustainable energy!

Speaking of sustainable energy, you have to have one of those lemonades made from fresh squeezed in front of you lemons and a quarter bucket of puro cane sugar. (I have watched a few too many crime shows, I can’t say pure, it has to be “puro”, the Mexican way, like you are talking about blue crystal meth), at least it’s not the dreaded high fructose corn syrup. The pucker factor mixed in with the ice cold sweet jolt is a real pick me up. I, of course, always bring my cup from last year because you get a discount, I keep it in my day pack on my back, having taken kids to the fair for years you a have to have something to hold all the small junk and you should have a stroller/wagon for all the really small kids, say under 15. Most kids these days are weaklings. Yes that’s right, I have a day pack, at least it’s not my fanny pack, but that’s another article. Yes, you can pick up some type of freebie bag from Nimo or Keybank to carry your junk, but I prefer the small backpack because I like to keep my hands free. I must be unencumbered if I am to save that baby falling off the tilt o whirl. I only hope it’s a toddler or smaller or I’ll get crushed! Oh what’s that? Not this time? Ok, just saying I am ready is all. Should a horse get away from its handlers I am prepared to wave it away from the twins in the stroller, that right, because my hands are free. And you know there are plenty of opportunities for the Heimlich maneuver to come up, there are too any sausage selling places to have an EMT crew stand by at all of them , but that’s where the action is. I don’t think anyone is choking on the walk away Sunday, and I do like to end my fair visit with one, where they start with the brick ice cream on a cone and then dip it in chocolate and then thrust it, still dripping of excess chocolate into the nuts and end with a cherry on top! Here my health related suggestion, enjoy the ice cream etc., but ditch the cone, you have had carbs aplenty already. I go to the one near the taffy store where you see the taffy get pulled and pulled in the machine, so, of course, I recommend getting a box of that salt water taffy to go. Sure it’s a stress test for your fillings, and you can enjoy them for weeks after the Fair. An edible memento. A Fairmento.

The Fair is expansive enough (that’s right, expansive, not expensive; you can do the Fair on the cheap if you have to). It’s expansive enough to wear out the kinder, the teens and the elders alike, it’s an agricultural, entertainment, and gustatorial triathlon. Between the rides and the exhibits and the stands selling almost everything, but bath salts, the fair can be a draining and exhausting day. That’s why I love it and encourage all my patients to go. Precisely because it is a challenge, it is absolutely a different experience each time you go, if you do it right. Can we be honest here? I think most of you don’t have the strength for a full day at the fair. Admit it. It’s too much walking. Too much exposure to the outside at one time. There are bathroom issues. The crowds. The parking. I hear it every day. Along with all the excuses about why you can’t exercise. That’s a defeatist, I hear. That’s a negative attitude and I can’t tell you how bad that is for your health. No! Rally, I say! Do not go gently into that dark night!

Ok, you can’t take a full day. So what, do a couple of hours. Take one of those buses from the nearest mall, etc. Are you worried about eating unhealthy? I worry about your unhealthy eating the rest of the year. If you are eating right a few indulgences at the fair are meaningless. That’s ok. You know you are going to overindulge in something. Blooming onion? Mystery meat on a stick? Don’t delude yourself, own that pizza fritz, but own the work it’s going to take to get that junk out of your system. Maybe now that I think of it, you shouldn’t own the fritz, rent it, or nibble one fritz between the bunch of you. You do go to the fair as a group, don’t you? That’s a part of the fun. Who will break down first? Will it be Grannie’s knees or Dad’s temper? I like to go with a group of 8 people and play those water games where you squirt the target. If you have 8 people you can own the whole row of seats and someone from your group is guaranteed to win. It’s a blast to go with a little kid this way because all the other adults and older kids can blast away all around the target, but not hit it and the little kid thinks he beat everyone. It’s good to build up the spirits of the little kids before life’s brutal realities grind them down. Of course one of the other kids will be jealous, how come he gets to win because he is the smallest, you never let me win like that, then they have to reveal the secret to the now quivering tot and all the others have to nay say it and there’s the part with Dad’s temper.

So why go to the Fair?

Point 1. It’s Exercise. That’s right, capital E Exercise. Plain and simple, even if you skip the Indian village you have to walk a ton to take in the whole Fair. Don’t skip the Indian village. It’s probably the lone space at the Fair that is quiet and peaceful and less crowded. You go from the hustle and bustle of the midway to this tree trimmed area that seems both cooler and slower, you know how often I say that to feel good, o get your mind and body right you should spend time outdoors in nature, this is a natural oasis amidst the ice cream of the future and the carnie that will guess your weight or zodiac sign. Sure I pick on the carnies, they are easy targets and they probably can’t or don’t read so I don’t fear reprisals. Now listen, just because they are illiterate doesn’t mean they can’t safely and responsibly put those vomitoriums together, never mind that reference to babies flying off rides earlier.

Why do you let me go off on tangents? Let’s get back to the Indian Village…You have a moment away from the din. Enjoy the natural oasis and then once more into the breach as you thread your way back into the midway in search of a candied apple and a henna tattoo. So just coming to the Fair can be a bit of a physical challenge, the heat, the humidity, the crowds, etc. This is a good thing. You know I think you should challenge yourself. Grow or grow old, my father has said many a time. Or did I read that in a fortune cookie.

Point 2. Try something new. You know that’s also one of my mantras, not motto, I am sensitive because I have been accused by my closest friends and allies of exceeding my motto allowance, who know!! So my mantra has been to challenge yourself, try a new ride or new game, some new food, actually sit and watch a show being put on by talent from all over the state. Ok, every act may not be worthy of America’s Got Talent, but just the experience of seeing someone perform live? That does something good for you.

Point 3. Support the local businesses. Ok, the guy selling the Sham Wow isn’t local, but many local merchants make their presence known at the Fair. Jobs going overseas. Local plants closing or downsizing. Here is a chance to make a difference. How often can you say that? How often can you actually do that? You go, you meet up with someone. You spend a little money, you keep people working, and that’s got to be a good thing in the long run.

Point 4. Sheer entertainment and education. I’m not talking about just the sheep, with so many venues and activities the only way you can be bored at the Fair is if you are a teenager with a dead smart phone, Ewuh, what’s that smell? Where are we? Why is the Center of Progress building selling sham wows? I know you wouldn’t willingly and knowingly do to it, but if you actually give it a chance there are many interesting shows each and every day. How can you not enjoy watching the Frisbee catching dogs, the high divers, the guy that uses a chain saw to sculpt logs, the livestock judging, the exhibits, the shows from the grandstand to all the little venues? I am not much for the grandstand shows or the free court shows, but they also have multiple smaller venues and I have seen great talent there for free and in the shade. I’m talking about local greats, Nancy Kelly and Joe Whitting, to name just a few.

Point 5. People watching. I don’t care what a wreck you have made of your life or your physique there is bound to be someone at the fair that makes you feel better about yourself. You could be a 400 pound, bath salts loving, no underwear wearing, bad tattooed, unemployed drunk and still find someone to look down on at the Fair. I’m not saying that looking down on others is a good thing, but we all compare ourselves to our surroundings don’t we? Is it only me? Ok, so I have hair only in places I don’t want it and my mug would fit right in on a most wanted poster and I could lose a few pounds and dress nicer, etc., at least I have more teeth that that guy! Is that shirt two or three sizes too small. Ok, I admit it; I can’t tell if that person is a man or a woman. (Those people frighten me) I’m just saying!

People trot out that old shibboleth, I have been to the Fair ten times, nothing changes, and it’s always the same. I used to go when the kids were in the house, but why go now? I can’t get around that well, that should set off a red flag, unless you are 80 years old and beyond, and speaking of Seniors, did you catch my Mother’s dance group performance? How many of you can say your parents are still alive in their 80’s? How many are dancing at the Fair? Way to go Momma! Or would you rather stay home and watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie and wonder about the butter sculpture.

So, nothing changes at the Fair? Well obviously some things are the same, we call those traditions, like Christmas and Easter, and no one says, I did Christmas for 10 years, nothing’s different. I would say there is always something different to a person that really takes a look, to a person that is still growing, to a person that still has some life left in them. So, get to the Fair and have your own experience.